The day is over, the battle of the night begins, it’s when the shadow appears, same time every night, always in the middle of a dream, no, it’s not a dream, it’s a nightmare. Sometimes it’s the feeling of isolation, not being able to manage, maybe it’s the fear of being old, maybe it’s the stuff you keep hidden, whatever it is, it’s a night terror. The pills were not doing their job, you were given a new brand, the doctor having said, it’s how we react to them, no two bodies are the same. The Dreaded feeling, when you reach for the medication, will you take one or two, usually you need the entire bottle to overdose. Those stories you read about, the famous stars who passed away under the influence of them, Prince ,MJ, come to mind, but they were on the liquid version, or was it that stuff they use to keep you under, the glue the aneistheist uses, that’s for operations. The thoughts that go into your head while your trying to drown yourself in chemicals, just to get a good nights sleep. when is the last time you woke fresh and relaxed. It’s so far back, you can’t even remember. You suddenly remember, you were not alone either.
The doors are fastened, you check them again, the locks are on the downstairs windows. You go through the rest of the routine, the kettle, is the socket turned off, and not forgetting the TV, you heard stories of them blowing up, what will you do if you miss the morning soap. You forget about the fire, and that possibility, the reason for living, you tell everyone they need one, the cruise you plan on taking when your lottery ticket delivers, yeah, it’s a long shot, but it’s enough to keep you forward looking, if only you can manage a good nights sleep.
The bathroom routine, another set of do’s, the rinse with the gargle stuff, it’s a new brand, four times around the mouth before you spit it out, then the paste itself, and don’t the gums, you read that in the health magazine. The tasks are accomplished, now it’s time for the room. Stop, did you forget to turn off the oven, you advance to the kitchen, then you remember, you ate out today, why are you bothering, am i loosing my mind. A glance around the kitchen, any crumbs on the counter, you don’t want to feed any unwanted guests, or encourage them. You grab a cloth from the sink, a swing of the arm, the counter is clean, just as it was five minutes before. anything else to recall, any other distraction, your mind heads off into tomorrow world, you decide you need a list, where did i leave the pad and pen, another five minutes searching and rummaging. The shopping is a daily affair, is there anything exotic you haven’t eaten in a while. twenty minutes later you are in the bed, your hand on the switch, waiting for the night terror, the show is about to begin.